Narcissists are master manipulators. They often don’t carry out emotional harm alone—they recruit others to do their dirty work. These people are known as flying monkeys, and many kind, empathetic individuals become one without even realizing it.
In this post, we’re going to break down what flying monkeys are, how narcissists use and discard them, and how you can protect yourself from being caught in this toxic cycle.
What Is a Flying Monkey?
The term flying monkey comes from The Wizard of Oz, where the Wicked Witch sends her winged servants to do her bidding. In real life, narcissists use people the same way—to attack, isolate, or spy on others, often without the person realizing they’re being used.
Flying monkeys may:
- Defend the narcissist during conflicts
- Spread lies or gossip about the narcissist’s target
- Pressure others to pick sides
- Keep tabs on someone the narcissist is trying to control
- Justify or excuse the narcissist’s harmful behavior
How Narcissists Manipulate Flying Monkeys
It often starts with flattery.
The narcissist builds you up. You feel seen, trusted, maybe even “chosen.” They tell you things like:
- “You’re the only one who really understands me.”
- “I’ve been so hurt by [insert target’s name].”
- “Can I trust you with something?”
They make false promises of loyalty, opportunity, friendship, or emotional intimacy. They may present themselves as the victim in a story where someone else is supposedly toxic, abusive, or cruel.
Out of empathy or loyalty, you might jump in to help—believing you’re doing the right thing. But you’re only hearing their version of the truth.
And that’s the trap.
What Happens When They’re Done Using You
Narcissists are not loyal. They’re strategic.
When you stop being useful—or you start asking questions—they’ll:
- Ghost you or pull away emotionally
- Turn their smear campaign on you
- Use the same lies they told you about others—on you to someone else
- Discard you without warning or closure
You’ll realize that the friendship or bond you thought you had was never real. It was based on manipulation, not mutual respect.
How to Know If You’ve Been a Flying Monkey
Ask yourself:
- Have I ever attacked or judged someone based solely on what another person told me?
- Have I felt pressure to pick sides or cut someone off to “prove” loyalty?
- Did I spread gossip or secrets I couldn’t verify?
- Was I drawn in by flattery or love-bombing, only to be ghosted later?
- Do I feel confused, ashamed, or used after trying to help?
If this sounds familiar, don’t beat yourself up. Narcissists prey on good-hearted people. Awareness is the first step toward healing and breaking the cycle.
How to Break Free
You can stop being a flying monkey, starting now:
- Think critically. Don’t take one-sided stories at face value.
- Stay neutral. If it’s not your conflict, don’t get involved.
- Avoid gossip. Especially when it’s meant to turn you against someone.
- Set boundaries. If someone uses emotional blackmail to demand loyalty, that’s a red flag.
- Own your growth. If you’ve hurt someone unknowingly, you can apologize, learn, and do better.
You don’t have to stay stuck in someone else’s drama.
You’re allowed to walk away.
You’re allowed to choose peace.
You’re allowed to protect your integrity.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists will use anyone they can to maintain control—but once you wake up to their tactics, you have the power to step away and break free.
You deserve friendships rooted in truth, mutual respect, and emotional safety—not manipulation.
If you’ve ever been a flying monkey, you’re not alone—and you’re not doomed. You can stop the cycle, reclaim your voice, and walk a path of healing.
Has this happened to you or someone you know? Let’s talk about it in the comments below. Your story might help someone else break free.
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